comments:
You should read the book, "The Gift of Fear": https://a.co/d/08jyDgwx
You need to get into therapy if at all possible, so you can work through almost being killed, because he tried to strangle you twice in one day. You also need therapy to understand why you're having a hard time not being in an abusive relationship, because both threatening violence and actual physical violence is not present in a healthy relationship. You most definitely also need therapy to understand how severely you're underreacting to his violence towards you, including putting the blame on you and none on him. And yes, he absolutely meant you harm, because he caused you harm. Be thankful he stopped before killing you. Next time he might not. The very first thing you need to do, is packing your stuff, blocking him on every, and read "Why does he do that?": https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf It's a free version, because the author wanted everyone to have access to it. You should alsoread "The gift of fear": https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198 He's not the man of your dreams, he's the man of your nightmares. The man you love doesn't exist it's just the image you created in your head by the lies he told you and the act he puts on.