comments:
Your brain starts to rewire itself when you get your diagnosis -- especially in adulthood -- but at least you got yours in your 20s (I got mine in my mid 50s). My experience was similar to what Pierre Novellie writes about in Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things?: A Comedian's Guide to Autism (audiobook): my masking strategies started to fall apart. I also got full-blown imposter syndrome as soon as I was diagnosed. Your brain needs time to rewire and rebalance, now that it has answer to things. I'm 14 months post-diagnosis and it's still up-hill. But I know my brain just needs to rework 50+ years of experiences and figure out some new working paradigm so I'm not taking it too seriously -- though I miss a few of the old tools dearly -- and I'm taking better care of myself and am much less reticent about accommodations. And I've let myself take on some quality of life changes (reduced lighting in my areas of the house, weighted-blanket for sleeping (kudos to my wife for that one), noise-canceling head-phones, and reducing ear-buds when I can use the big ones -- I keep them connected to an iPod so it makes people feel less uncomfortable). There is no good answer, you just slog through it and it starts getting better so slowly you don't notice it then, one day you'll become aware that things are indeed better. Still wish I could get that date circled on the calendar though...
I recommend this book so much I should be getting kickbacks but this is a really good book to help people understand how different the autistic experience is: Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things?: A Comedian's Guide to Autism (audiobook) by Pierre Novellie. I listened to it with my wife, pausing to relate how I adhered or differed in each segment; it really helped her wrap her head around autism (though the downside is she felt horrible for some of the things she put me through). Relationships require clear communication and both parties striving to understand each other and learn to hear & speak the other's argot. Autism adds some funny accents to it and makes some things harder while making other things so, so much simpler and easier.
The only reason to get assessed is if you need either accommodations (the diagnosis gives you legal protections) or you just want to know for your own peace of mind and growth. A diagnosis is not "you have the base autistic neurotype" it is "you have a disability" which means it impairs you at some level. This is a pet-peeve with the diagnosis/ NT-vs-ND issue is that the diagnostic system is based around detecting disabilities and illnesses not neurotypes (and I can't fault them for this, pet peeve or not) so the question many ask about themselves and the answers you can get are frequently misaligned. Would it be worth to be diagnosed? What part of diagnosis has helped you the most if ur diagnosed? I was diagnosed at 55. In time, I will be glad I did -- and it is nice to put a name to things -- but 14 months later and I still spend most days wishing I hadn't. For many autistics, especially high-masking (like I was/am) once your brain grabs hold of the diagnosis your masking strategies start to come unglued and have to be rebuilt, which is a huge PITA, and can be stressful as you realize precisely how much you've been covering over the years. (My assessment itself was traumatic because of that :-/ ) I also went (which isn't uncommon apparently in adult-diagnosis) full imposter syndrome not two minutes after my diagnosis meeting, which I fought hourly for 10 months and still do daily -- I started posting here to force myself to counter IS. Healing is a process as is coming to terms with what you need to do. I've made some small shifts that have increased my quality-of-life immensely (e.g., noise-canceling-headphones; noise-reducing ear inserts; a weighted blanket; etc) so there are upsides. And when things like autistic inertia and other behavioral issues kick in, I understand what's going on, then there's PDA and alexithymia that I can now explain to people, and can have them read about autistic scripting instead of me trying to explain it without sounding like a lunatic :D If you just want to know for your own edification, I recommend Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things?: A Comedian's Guide to Autism (audiobook) by Pierre Novellie. This is the book that convinced me to get tested since it was so damned close to my own experience.
If you want something honest about autism, I suggest Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things?: A Comedian's Guide to Autism (audiobook) by Pierre Novellie.
You won't know for sure until you get tested, and be sure to get a reputable doctor to do it (expertise in adult diagnosis and sub-specialty in neurology). If you want a counter-point, I'd recommend Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things?: A Comedian's Guide to Autism (audiobook) by Pierre Novellie. I picked it up because I wanted to read up on autism (given how I was scoring on diagnostic tests) and figured if nothing else I'd get a laugh out of it and, heh, it convinced me I had to get tested before I got a quarter of the way through it, and it really opened my eyes to how pervasive and profound autism is as it covered things I'd never have associated with autism.