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here’s the second part! here’s the link so you can browse. i promise… i KNOW it feels awful having to go this route… but it keeps them safe and you safe and so on. and i am also not lying when i tell you that my son never even thought anything of it when we started with the helmet and so on. and his behavior escalated at his special needs school at a certain point because he was experiencing jealousy over anyone and everyone who had the attention of his teacher or the aids. he was lashing out at everyone and harming himself. and that absolutely is something we cannot allow him to do…. so protective gear is the best option. i promise you - if you do it how we have…. which is: once the meltdown begins or the behaviors start up - we calmly say things like, “let’s put your helmet on so you can stay safe and not get hurt.” and we never make it in a way that’s about punishment. because it isn’t punishment. it’s for his safety and for the safety of others in the classroom or wherever we are. we then keep his gear on until he is calmed down and the behaviors of harming have calmed as well. we then would take everything off. funny enough, he got to where he would get upset if we removed his helmet even after he had calmed down… so we changed it to where we just unbuckle it and he knows he can remove it when he’s ready. sometimes he likes to sit with it on for a little extra. perhaps it does something to make him feel safe or calm? i am not sure. maybe he likes the feeling or sensory input on his head. anyway. i am trying to conclude this enormously long comment somehow. i want you to know that everything you have said — is my life too. i went through a phase where my house was bare. and i love nick nacks and candles and vases and damnit! i enjoy my little decorations and books too! so i get it. my boy has gotten so much better about it now… but it took work. it took removing things i didn’t want broken to places he could not get to or removing them altogether. over time, i would sit things out as practice. things that couldn’t easily break or just things i didn’t care IF they broke. i would sit a couple things out just to practice with. i would redirect. i would use his hands to demonstrate being careful or gentle. i worked on him listening when i say “no.” it took years to get where we are — but the progress was always there, little bits at a time. i also — at a certain point — even bought this putty sticky stuff and i LITERALLY put it on the bottom of things like candles or lamps or coffee table decor, etc. it basically glued the things down wherever. that also helped a lot because he got used to things being all over… but he eventually lost interest in them because he knew he couldn’t move them or do anything with them. i recommend this. it’s museum gel and it does hold things down. i have so much more to say in regards to…. well. EVERYTHING. please feel free to message me — and i may just end up messaging you later to continue trying to help. i haven’t even TOUCHED on medication yet. because - yes - we ended up having to go that route this past year. And it’s night and day. from the sound of things… it might be something to consider. i mean it when i tell you, our sons have SO much in common. just know that you did the right thing by coming here to vent and to reach out and scream into the void. i know that you’re still a great mother. and i know that because if you didn’t care at ALL then you wouldn’t be this miserable. i felt miserable right before we had to seek the route of medication for our son. i was miserable because of the increased violence and meltdowns and hurting himself and others. i was miserable - i thought - because my life was completely hijacked in the same way you described. i had that thought. and then it instantly hit me right after… no. WE are miserable. all of us, as a family. and we are miserable… i was miserable… because my son was miserable. sometimes we make the mistake of thinking “this is just how their autism presents. this is just the way things are and how they are.” but no, mama. no. and in a weird way, in a backwards sort of way… it’s actually good news. the things you’re mentioning going through… the things your SON is going through constantly. those are all cries for help. the same way it was for my son. i just had to have the lightbulb go off to see it. i am not a doctor. and i am not forcing you to go this route. but i DO think you need to talk to your sons doctor and care team and ask them about medication. because we did. and we did BECAUSE of every reason you mentioned, just about. you’re not struggling because you have a neurodivergent son and “this is just how things are and how they always will be.” you’re both struggling because there’s clearly something that needs help and support within him, in my opinion. start with some of the suggestions i’ve given. and look into medication avenues. search up things about autism and constant meltdowns and self injury and injury to others and so on. because i’ve been there. and my son was there. and i promise you — it’s night and day where we are now. And that’s because i didn’t give up. i just finally understood that i was going to do anything to make him more safe and comfortable no matter what. in his environment - in our home - at school - and in his own skin and MIND. i could see all of the behaviors and the amped up sensory seeking and i KNEW something didn’t feel good inside his mind. the constant sensory seeking was him trying to regulate constantly because he NEEDED the help that the medicine he’s on now gives him. but - along with the medicine, like i said — we did all the other things too. routine. repetition. we got safety gear. we learned how to adjust to meet him as close as we could and then we finally got the guts to seek medication so that he could meet us where we were at — which was as close as we could get without the medication. i am here if you would like to talk. and i promise you. things will be okay. a bad day isn’t a bad life. hell, a bad five years isn’t a bad life. it might be a rocky start — but rocky paths really do allow us to learn and become better. you have the rest of your life and his - for as long as you’re here to smooth things out. and i believe in you. and i believe in your son. you CAN do this. no one in the world is better for this job than you. just be done with the way things are. take some of the tips i’ve offered. just see what happens. stick with it. don’t give up. and don’t let the hardest parts of autism win. because once you find a way to fit the pieces together perfectly so you and your boy can get a rhythm going… things will become steadier. easier. better. happier. and one day you will look back on this and feel so proud of yourself because of the mother you are and for the war you waged against what tried to steal the color from your life. 🩷