comments:
Also, tell your family and friends about your wife's infidelity. That way, they'll know what's going on and they can be a strong support system that can help you through these tough times. The other thing it'll do is that it'll likely prevent your wife to spin an alternate truth/lie that you were abusive or it was you who cheated etc. She cheated on you. So, you do not owe it to her to lie for her to cover her infidelity. She is sincerely repentant, very transparent, wants to do couples therapy and is trying to rebuild. You wife is repentant because she's in salvage mode and saying anything and everything to keep her current comfortable life. I have a feeling that her life is going to be harsh and hard should she get divorced. She may have to work on her own and her quality of life will suffer significantly because of that. The problem is that she should have thought of all that before she made all those choices to cheat on you. Things will get better as time goes on, but for a really long time, you'll be reminded of her infidelity every time you look at her, every time you smell her perfume/shampoo, every time you hear her voice. The sooner you separate yourself from her, the sooner you can start healing. Please DO NOT start couple's therapy just yet. The goal of the couple's therapist is usually to keep the couples together even at the cost of the betrayed partner's dignity. I've read anecdotes where the cheating spouse and the therapist ran roughshod over the betrayed partners wishes and well being just so that the couple stays together. Call me cynical, but I think, this is because having a broken couple together ensures repeat business for the therapist. Ask your wife to do individual therapy so that she can examine the hurt she caused and why she caused it. There are book available like "How to help your spouse heal from your affair" (https://www.amazon.com/Help-Your-Spouse-Heal-Affair/dp/145055332X/) It's a short 100 page book that can make her understand the steps that she'd need to take if she really wants to save the marriage. Please read the posts here in this sub. There are many, many accounts of people in situations similar to yours. They all invariably say how miserable they've been while they stayed with the cheater and how free they felt after they left the cheater. Check out the posts at https://survivinginfidelity.com/forums/2/just-found-out/ as well.