comments:
I agree with therapy, if that’s not an option, this book is a great tool for help with setting boundaries: Set boundaries, find peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab. Amazon link if you’re in the US: https://a.co/d/03z9lvfw
Just say no. Boundaries. This is an immensely helpful book. https://a.co/d/05vwfrCZ Set Boundaries. Find Peace.By Nedra Glover Tawwab
I'm going to try and save you 20 years of hard lessons. You are now (or will very soon be) a legal adult. It's time to start the extremely difficult process of learning to say no, and setting boundaries with your parents. A small example. My mom passed not too long ago and I am living with my elderly father. He insists on recycling, but refuses to do it properly. That's ok though, because our building DOESN"T RECYCLE! The super takes all the recycling and throws it in black plastic bags with the garbage. I've told my dad this several times, he still insists on doing things his way and constantly tells me to do the same. All I ever tell him now is "I don't do that." Since you're young and likely still dependent on your parents it can seem (or actually be) much harder to say no, but don't confuse pressure/expectations with consequences. You also have to learn how to start living with consequences. I'm not suggesting you start behaving badly, just that you start developing a backbone when it comes to making your own choices about normal behavior, because the truth is, unless they abusive dickheads, your parents won't/can't really "make" you do anything. If they are actually the types who would throw you out of the house for not cooking burgers like an idiot than be smart, and cook burgers like an idiot because that's a dumb hill to die on. Otherwise, recognize that (if they are normal people) they are asking you to do something so you're perfectly within your right to do it your way. A good way to put it might be "I'm growing up and need to learn how to do things/figure out things on my own." When setting boundaries you can compromise, but don't bargain. When you bargain you are asking for permission to do what you want, which means you are giving someone else the power of deciding what you get. Adults compromise. Small tip, never say "I'm an adult, I can..." As Tywin Lannister said "Any man who must say, 'I am the king', is no true king." I cannot suggest this strenuously enough, read Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab. Not to criticize, but it's a must read for the kind of people who say things like "Parents make me cook, but not the way I want to." I know because I was and still am in some ways that kind of person. If you are serious DM me and I will GIVE you a copy. Last but not least, where the hell does butter come in when you're cooking burgers? Anyway, good luck with everything dude.
it sounds like you might benefit from learning more about setting boundaries. a good book about this is Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab