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I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale. TRANSCRIPT:PANEL 1 Two people are walking along a cliff's edge and chatting. The first is wearing jeans and an orange t-shirt; the second is wearing black pants, a white polo shirt, and a VR headset that completely covers his eyes. Tshirt looks irritated, Polo is cheery. TSHIRT: How can you say the economy’s good? Everything’s awful! Oil prices, drug prices, yo-yo tariffs, the rampant corruption…! POLO: I don’t see any of that! PANEL 2 A closer shot of Polo shows that his VR goggles are covered with stickers for right-wing news outlets - NewsMax, Fox News, Truth Social, X, and others. TSHIRT: Of course you don’t see it — you’ve got your Fox goggles on. POLO: Hey, my goggles are the only thing that shows me the truth! Which is that— PANEL 3 Polo trips over a stone, falling directly into Tshirt. POLO: Whoops! PANEL 4 Tshirt and Polo fall off the cliff and are falling an enormous distance. POLO: We’re in a golden age! CHICKEN FAT WATCH "Chicken fat" is ancient cartooning slang for unimportant details in the art. PANEL 1: A notice posted on a tree says "WANTED: Actualization, Self-Esteem, Belonging, Safety, Psychological." Groucho Marx is lying on the grass in the background. A tiny bike-rider is riding down the other tree. PANEL 3: There's a cloud person fishing sitting on the upper-left cloud. There's a cool snake (cool because it's wearing sunglasses) wrapped around the tree trunk, and an evil bunny (evil because smoking a cig) at the base of the tree. PANEL 4: The middle cloud on the left side of the panel has a big face in it. (Rotate 90 degrees clockwise if you have trouble seeing it). THE T-SHIRT: Every instance of the T-Shirt shows a different character or thing shaped like a tube with a puff on top: Burt from Sesame Street, Beaker from The Muppet Show, Road Runner from Looney Tunes, and a carrot.
I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale. TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON This cartoon has three panels, arranged in a circle, with arrows pointing clockwise leading from one panel to the next. In the middle of the circle is a large caption saying "The Kitchen Table Cycle." UPPER LEFT PANEL This panel shows a smartphone. On the smartphone screen, an angry man wearing a suit and tie is talking. MAN: The only thing the Democratic candidate ever talks about is trans issues! Trans trans trans! An arrow leads from this to the LOWER RIGHT PANEL Three Democrats sit in a treehouse; a sign on the treehouse says "Democrat Strategy Meeting (No progressives allowed). One of them is speaking. SPEAKER: The pundits say we lost by talking too much about "identity politics." Next time, our candidate has to be a centrist who only talks about kitchen table issues! An arrow leads from this to the LOWER LEFT PANEL A politician stands behind a podium giving a speech. CANDIDATE: As your Democratic candidate, let me just say: Kitchen table! Kitchen Table! Kitchen Table! An arrow leads from this back to the upper left panel with the cellphone. CHICKEN FAT WATCH "Chicken fat" is old-fashioned cartoonist speak for little extras in the cartoon. UPPER LEFT PANEL: The Fox News logo says "Cur Fews. Go to bed." The chyron says "Democrats hate all puppies" and the second chyron says "New science proves: everything is still Biden's fault." Below the Fox News screen, there are six thumbnails leading to suggested videos. The thumbnail captions read: Owned! Crushed! Cooked! Demolished! Murderized! And then, in smaller letters, "I attempted to refute their position with persuasive arguments." LOWER RIGHT PANEL: The treehouse is modeled after the treehouse in my favorite comic strip of all time, "Calvin and Hobbes." There's a hole in the tree trunk; in the hole is a giant rat wearing a top hat and bow tie. LOWER LEFT PANEL: The seal on the front of the podium has a picture of Sam the Eagle from the Muppets (it's a little hard to make out because of the foreshortening, alas). The paper lying on the podium says "Tiny print no one reads."
This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins. -- I'm not like this character - serenely unaware of mean comments. But I aspire to be like him. (Maybe I am like this character, but since I'm unaware of the comments I don't appreciate how serenely unaware I really am? It's a conundrum.) -- I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale. -- TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON This cartoon has four panels, all featuring a red-haired man wearing a red shirt walking on a downtown sidewalk. He's carrying a bright yellow shoulder bag which has a pink and purple floral pattern. PANEL 1 Two men are walking in opposite directions on a sidewalk. The first, wearing a blue jacket and dark gray pants, makes a mocking comment. The second character, who I'll call Redhead, is pleased. BLUE JACKET MAN: Nice purse. REDHEAD: Thanks! It's new! PANEL 2 A closer shot of Redhead, looking very pleased indeed. In the background, a bluebird, a squirrel, and the sun (with a face and wearing sunglasses) all smile at Redhead. PANEL 3 In a thought balloon, we see Redhead's daydream. He's skipping on a catwalk, carrying his new bag, sparkling pink flowers floating in his wake, as the sun and a couple of squirrels cheer him on. Blue Jacket Man, in the daydream, has a friendly grin and is taking photos of Redhead with a professional-looking camera. PANEL 4 Redhead's daydream bursts and he has a startled expression. REDHEAD (thought): Wait. Was that supposed to be an insult? CHICKEN FAT WATCH "Chicken fat" is obsolete cartoonist verbiage for fun but unnecessary details in the art. PANEL 1: The first newspaper box has a newspaper which says "Background NEWS. Stick figure elected! "Best news ever," say lazy cartoonists." Smaller print says "Is this text too small to be read? Scientists say yes!" The second newspaper box is mostly hidden behind Blue Jacket Man, but what we can read says "Don't even try reading this text it's too hidden." The third newspaper box has a paper called "Overly Local Bulletin." Headlines say: "Yup, those odd noises you keep hearing are rats." "Your son says he did homework - but he lies." "Favorite shirt is too ratty to wear in public anymore." and "Weather: You don't go outside anyway." The sign on front of the machine says "Exciting words! I'm talking about words like bang! Zoom! Zowie! Cheetah!" PANEL 2: The newspaper in the box is mostly hidden behind Redhead, but it says "Obscured NEWS. That no one can read." PANEL 3: One of the squirrels is waving a pen at Redhead and holding out an autograph book. The other squirrel is taking a selfie with Redhead in the background. PANEL 4: The paper in the newspaper box says "Don't Even Bother DAILY." Headlines: "Why even read this? The cartoon's over. You can go about your life now." "New study: If you never try, you can never lose." The sign on the front of the box says "KANGAROOS are weird aliens who will totally drown you if they can and one's sneaking up on you now."
I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale. TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON This cartoon has six panels, each of which shows a different scene. The first five panels all feature cheerful robots in office environments. PANEL 1 A shiny golden robot talks to the viewer. GOLDIE: Good news! Here are just some of the ways AI saves you time and makes your job better! PANEL 2 A robot - which seems to be a suit and tie with a smartphone sticking up out of the collar - talks to us. He's carrying a huge stack of papers. PHONE: Good news! Because your new AI agent is expected to save you so much time, the company is providing you with extra work! PANEL 3 A tiny robot that looks like a ball with hands is bouncing on a desk. BOUNCY: Good news! The AI agent makes lots of mistakes, so you get to do proofreading and debugging! Yay! PANEL 4 A robot with a head shaped like a Telsa Cybertruck talks to us. A bunch of other robots are in the background. TELSA: Good news! The company has determined you'll get more work done with more AI agents doing more bad work for you to check and correct! PANEL 5 A coffee machine with a screen with a happy face on it talks to us. COFFEE: Good news! More of your colleagues are letting AI do their jobs, so now you get to fix that work, too! PANEL 6 A human with a shellshocked look is walking on a sidewalk, carrying a cardboard box full of desk stuff in classic I've-just-been-fired iconography. A caption is shaped like a memo on paper. CAPTION: Good news! We've determined that bad work done by A.I. is more cost-effective than better work done by humans. CHICKEN FAT WATCH "Chicken fat" is obsolete jargon for what we now call "Easter eggs." PANEL 1: A poster on the wall says LESSER EVIL INCORPORATED. "If it's not lethal, it's a lesser evil." A rat sits reading a book, Charlotte's Web. PANEL 2: A gigantic ant is climbing a skyscraper in the background. PANEL 3: A picture of an adorable toddler is inscribed "I heart you Mommy! Always remember if u quit ur job I'll starve." A "to do" list says: "-Work -Work -Work -Labor -Toil -Lunch -Drudge -Slog -die." A coffee mug, decorated with Charlie Brown's zig-zag shirt line, has a mouse wearing glasses peering out of it. PANEL 4: One of the robots is a toaster. The robot puppy has left poo (a steaming pile of nuts and bolts) on the ground. The cybertruck robot's head is on fire, and if you peer closely at the passenger window you can see a screaming person trapped inside. PANEL 5: The coffee cup has a picture of Bender from Futurama on it. There's an electric outlet with two "faces"; one of the faces is the standard, the other one is smiling and winking at us. A poster says "NOTICE: Cups must be cleaned after death." A cannister is labeled "82% real Sugar," with an adorable granny mascot saying "What you don't now won't kill you, probably." PANEL 6: The box of stuff from the fired employee's desk includes a coffee mug; the mouse from panel 3 is still in the mug. A jar on the sidewalk says "Background Juice" on the label. And there's graffiti! "BG" (for background) is written in a few places. Someone has written a list of jobs: "Priest Poet Lawyer Marine Squire Grocer Vicar." (Let me know in comments if you know where that list comes from.) A game of "hangman" is in progress: "A_S_ER." (You see the answer, right?) More things written on the wall: "Filler." "Who reads this?" "PP + Marcie 4EV." "E=M.C. Hammer." "Mary + Charlie + Frank." Finally, a poster on the wall is partly blocked by the caption, but I can tell you it says "Secret Hidden Text! Because you can't read this text: At last, I'm free to say it: Basketball is BORING! Bite me, b-ball fans!"
This strip is drawn by the awesome Mike Lawrence, who really went wild with the chicken fat! I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale. TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows two women hanging out in a living room, on a sofa. The first wears a bright yellow t-shirt, so I'll call her YELLOW; the second is in white t-shirt with blue jeans, so I'll call her JEANS. PANEL 1 Yellow is reading something on her phone, while Jeans turns and begins rooting through her backpack. YELLOW: This article says that ICE agents are really unhappy... The job is stressful and they're not getting the bonuses and bennies they were promised. JEANS: Hold on. PANEL 2 Jeans has pulled a huge electric microscope out of her backpack. YELLOW: Er... What's that? JEANS: It's my portable microscope. It has 300 times magnification but with digital zoom it's more like 1000 times. PANEL 3 Jeans enthusiastically describes her microscope. JEANS: It has a built in stabilizer and eight levels of LCD lighting! With this, I can see even the smallest objects. PANEL 4 Yellow is puzzled. A snarl on her face, Jeans turns to the microscope's screen. YELLOW: Okay, but why? JEANS: I'm looking for a violin tiny enough. CHICKEN FAT "Chicken fat" is long-dead terminology for odd little details cartoonists slip in art. PANEL 1: The lamp is a "leg lamp," like in A Christmas Story, except that it's a hairy leg in a sneaker and gym sock. There's a cat napping on the sofa. There's a framed picture of Dr. Teeth (from The Muppets) on the wall. There's a little doll with a green face hanging by the neck from the lamp pull. Jeans has a tattoo that says "tattoo." The magazines on the coffee table are "US" and "THEM"; the person on the cover of "THEM" is pointing a finger at "US." The side table drawer is open, and in the drawer a couple of mice are sitting on a tiny sofa and watching a TV with mice news hosts on it. PANEL 2: The cat is reading a book entitled 43 Places To Hide a Hairball. The backpack's brand name is "Manspürt." Jeans has a tattoo that says "Advertise Here." PANEL 3: There's a framed picture of "Bleeding Gums" Murphy (from The Simpsons) on the wall. The cat is playing with a paddle ball, but instead of a ball there's a panicked mouse. A magazine on the coffee table is "THINGS," with a coffee mug and a rubik's cube on the cover. Jeans' tattoo now says "Eat At Joe's!" Jeans is wearing one of those t-shirts with a list of people in Helvetica font, which says "Hel & Vet & Ica." PANEL 4: The cat is looking over their shoulders at the screen. The apple logo on the back of the microscope has now turned into an apple core logo. TATTOO PROGRESSIONS: The leg lamp has a tattoo that says "Debbie." In panel two, "Debbie" is crossed out, with "Donna" written beneath it. In panel three, "Donna" has also been crossed out, replaced with "Donny." Jeans has a tattoo of a baseball bat in panel one, which is a bat (the mammal) in panel two, and Batman in panel three.
This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes. In a way, it's also by Samantha Fulnecky, because a lot of the dialog was swiped verbatim from a paper she wrote. But I don't think she'd appreciate a co-writing credit. I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale. -- TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON This cartoon has four panels. PANEL 1 A pretty young woman carrying a textbook talks cheerfully. STUDENT: God made male and female and made us different from each other for a purpose! Trying to change that would only do harm. PANEL 2 As she speaks, a big thought balloon appears. In the thought balloon, we see Adam and Eve, Adam holding a hammer, Eve holding a broom and a baby. God appears from a cloud, offering Adam a six-pack. STUDENT: Gender roles aren't "stereotypes"! Women naturally want to do womanly things because God created us with those womanly desires in our hearts. The same goes for men. PANEL 3 The snake offers Adam a pretty pink dress; Adam is delighted, hearts in his eyes, dropping his hammer to reach for the dress. In the background, Even watches, holding her baby and crying. PANEL 4 In the original scene, a second student has appeared, and is giving the first student a skeptical look. SECOND STUDENT: Huh. So you're saying it's the left that's got a "radical gender ideology"? FIRST STUDENT: Exactly! Thank Jesus my beliefs are just common sense. CHICKEN FAT WATCH "Chicken fat" is obscure cartoonist terminology for silly things we put in the background. PANEL 1 - There are three flyers on the bulletin board. The first one is incomprehensible because the character's head is in the way, but it says: "HEY! Please move your head it's in the way and now they can't read what I'm saying it's really unfair." The second says "LOST" with a picture of a woman holding a cat. Smaller print says "My human. Very tame. Answers to "meow." If found, please return, I'm hungry." The third flyer says "Study group seeks lonely smart person. Come do our work for us! Please bring snacks." PANEL 2 - God has a "Mom" heart tattoo. There's a very "My Little Pony" looking Pegasus in the background. PANEL 3 - Two birds are playing soccer in the background. The snake is wearing a beret. A book on a stump is entitled "Sick Trans Stuff." PANEL 4- The second student has a tattoo of the [Triforce ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triforce#:~:text=The%20Triforce%20(Japanese%3A%20%E3%83%88%E3%83%A9%E3%82%A4%E3%83%95%E3%82%A9%E3%83%BC%E3%82%B9,subsequent%20game%20in%20the%20series.)symbol from the "Legend of Zelda" videogame. There are again three flyers hanging in the background. First flyer: "TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Everybody else really is happier and more together than you are." Second: "STUDENT HOUSING." There's a picture of a shoebox, and then "You'll be amazed at how little space you actually need." Third: "COLLEGE: You'll never make friends so easily again! It's kinda sad when you think about it."
I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale. TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON This cartoon has four regular panels, plus a tiny "kicker" panel under the bottom. PANEL 1 A large caption says "PRE-ELECTION." Two people, a casually dressed woman and a more business-dressed man, are talking in an office. The man makes a dismissive gesture. WOMAN: Progressives have some ideas for this election... MAN: Here's my idea. Step one: donate to our campaign. Step two: you get lost. PANEL 2 The man pushes the woman out of the office. WOMAN: Hey! MAN: No insult, but you woke special interest social justice freaks repel normie voters. Leave us in charge of this election so we can win! PANEL 3 The man sits behind his desk, looking very pleased. MAN: Good riddance! Now we can run a winning campaign - a centrist campaign with a centrist candidate and centrist strategies! PANEL 4 A large caption says "POST-ELECTION". The same man and woman are in a hallway. She glares at him, while he yells at her, jumping with fury. MAN: WE LOST AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! KICKER PANEL The man smiles as he talks to Barry the cartoonist. MAN: Centrist Democrats can't fail! We can only be failed. CHICKEN FAT WATCH "Chicken fat" is archaic cartoonist-speak for fun little details that don't matter. PANEL 1: On the shelves in the background: A book called "Really Big Book." A framed picture of Tintin. There's a framed picture of Amy from "Futurama" on the wall. The woman's shirt says "Woop Woop." Her arms are covered with, well, random doodles, including a Rubik's cube flying on angel wings, a cloud that says "meh," a sake, and a explosion with a "BOOM" sound effect. PANEL 2: The snake tattoo has moved to her other arm, which also features a hand hatching from an egg and a paper saying "8675309." Her shirt now ways "Hi Mom!" There's a framed picture of Groucho Marx on the wall. PANEL 3: There are framed photos on the wall of Kermit the Frong, Marcie, Peppermint Patty, the Mayor from "Nightmare Before Christmas," and Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons. On the shelves are: A globe with a goldfish-shaped continent; a stack of three books: Really Big Book, RBB Strikes Back, and Return of the RBB. The photo of Tintin has been replaced with Tintin's dead, decapitated head. A photo of a seagull with a fish in its beak. A mouse with a bow and arrow, taking aim at an apple on the head of another mouse. A mouse painting a picture of cheese. A napping cat. On the desk: The book says "Scary" on the spine and "Boo" on the front cover. The icon on the back of the laptop is a cracking egg. Finally, a mouse or rat is clinging to the arm of the chair in the foreground. PANEL 4: The snake tattoo is back! Now looking at a tattoo of a mug of steaming liquid. There are framed pictures of Popeye and Olive Oil.
I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale. TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON This cartoon has for panels, showing two women talking as they walk through a hilly park. The woman in front has dark hair and is wearing a red t-shirt; the person in the rear has light brown hair and is wearing floral pants. I'll call them TSHIRT and FLORAL. PANEL 1 Tshirt is listening as Floral lectures. FLORAL: Of course teachers should be legally required to "out" trans kids to their parents. Because of parents' rights. PANEL 2 FLORAL: It doesn't matter if it's outing trans kids, or vaccinations, or what books teachers are allowed to assign. It should always be up to the parents! PANEL 3 Close-up on Flora, who is pounding a fist into her palm, very intense. FLORAL: Parents' rights are sacrosanct! Period! PANEL 4 Tshirt turns to ask Floral a question; Floral replies cheerily. TSHIRT: What if parents want their trans kid to have gender affirming care? FLORAL: Fuck parents' rights. CHICKEN FAT WATCH "Chicken fat" is a long-obscure cartoonists' term for unimportant but amusing details slipped into the art, which I want to bring back. ("Stop trying to make fetch happen!") PANEL 1: A grinning kid is hanging upside-down high in a tree. A notice nailed to the tree shows a sad-looking robot and says "NOTICE: Background gags weren't made by A.I." On the ground, Steamboat Willie (the earliest form of Mickey Mouse, now copyright-free) is fleeing from a vicious cat. PANEL 2: An evil-looking bunny is behind the bush, smoking a cig. High in a tree, a rat has disguised itself as a squirrel by taping a big leaf to its real end, and is trying to pass itself off to a real squirrel. A notice nailed to the tree has a picture of an evilly grinning robot and says "NOTICE: Then again isn't that what an A.I. would say." PANEL 3: On top of a cloud, a cloud-colored person with a mohawk is lying on their back and reading their phone. PANEL 4: A basset hound is in the hole in the tree. A sign below the hole says "Home Sweet Hole." The robot from the notices in panels 1 and 2 is hiding behind the tree. Steamboat Willie's lifeless corpse lies in the grass. A notice nailed to another tree shows a picture of a vague shadow shape, and says "MISSING: Small robot which functions as a visual representation of A.I. in background gags. Extremely hackneyed, but functional." T-SHIRT: In panel 1, the t-shirt has a logo of a piece of cake. Panel 2, it's a peace sign. And in panel 4, it's a chess piece.
I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale. -- TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON This cartoon has six panels. A caption at the top says "History, Rhyming." PANEL 1 A close up of someone's hand lying limply on the ground, in sepia tones. CAPTION: August 20, 1965: Civil rights activist Jonathan Daniels put himself between a deputy sheriff and the black teen the deputy was attacking. The deputy shot Daniels to death. PANEL 2 A close up of a gloved hand lying limply on snowy pavement, a cell phone lying nearby. Drawn in blue tones. CAPTION: January 24 2026: Anti-fascist activist Alex Pretti put himself between border protection agents and the woman the agents were attacking. The agents shot Pretti to death. PANEL 3 This panel is divided in two, sepia on the left and blues on the right. On the sepia side, a man inn a suit sneers. On the right side, a man in a border patrol uniform sneers. BOTH (in unison): He was intended to commit a massacre! CAPTION (sepia side): Arthur Gamble: Corrupt prosecutor who threw the case. CAPTION (blue side): Gregory Bovino: Border Patrol Commander. PANEL 4 Another panel divided into sepia and blue sides. On the sepia side is a cheerful middle-aged man in a suit. On the right side are two masked Border Patrol agents. ALL THREE (unison): I was in fear for my life! CAPTION (sepia side): Tom Coleman, Daniels' murderer. CAPTION (I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale.blue side): Jesus Ochoa and Raymundo Gutierrez, Pretti's murderers. PANEL 5 On the sepia side, three people with 1960s haircuts are angrily yelling. On the blue side, same thing except with current-day hair and clothes. ALL (unison): If he hadn't put himself where he didn't belong he'd still be alive! Cops have to make split-second judgements! Law! Order! Bark bark bark bark woof! CAPTION: Boot-licking stooges. PANEL 6 In a clearing, surrounded by grass, trees, and shrubs, two men talk to each other. The men are distant from us. One, dressed in black and wearing a clerical collar, is identified as "Jonathan Daniels, 1939-1965." The other, wearing a comfy looking winter jacket and baggy jeans, is identified as "Alex Pretti, 1989-2026." CHICKEN FAT WATCH "Chicken fat" is obscure cartoonists' lingo for little details hidden in the art. I drew almost no chicken fat here - the tone of the strip felt wrong for it - but in panel five, two of the modern day people are wearing MAGA hats that say "Make America Dicks Again." One man's t-shirt shows a teddy bear saying "FU."