comments:
I think it's normal you feel this way. And the fact you wanted to cry and held up your tears means it matters to you. As well as drinking a bit too much that day, that's a way of coping when we can't handle the emotion. Also, the way you were told is definitely shocking, so no wonder you reacted like that! Talk to your therapist about it, and instead of fighting the feelings, the best way to handle grief is to actually let them exist. Grief is a very natural feeling. Trying to repress it won't necessarily make it go away; it will just make it linger.What I found that works for me when grief is overwhelming is journaling. Maybe you can write a letter to him? This book (https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077) helped me quite a bit with some losses I didn't know how to handle or with relationships that were a bit "incomplete". I hope you can take care of yourself and that you find a way to slowly heal and navigate the grief. It's okay to be lost in moments like these, too. Our societies don't teach us how to handle loss very well. This is why talking about it and repairing it is helpful. Hang in there xx