comments:
The other roommate is not innocent at all as well. But that's no reason for behaving abusively like this. This is not therapy speak, read a textbook on abusive relationships and you can play bingo with it. Example book that shows this kind of behavior to a T: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656
Not correct. Reading books about domestic violence can disabuse people of this harmful domestic-violence myth and others. Start with Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That?"
Just because you said this OP, i recommend you reading this book. Do it. Maybe you see the cover and say nah he's not like that, but read the book first and then tell me what you think.
Usually after a post like this I see people reference this book, but haven't seen it in this one. Sounds like it might be worth a look. Given the ignoring of specific notes, it seems like manipulation and boundary pushing. Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men